new land new start

i'm in america, the land where apparently opportunities are and where democracy reigns.

in this land, the classes i attend in college are paramount to a joke, so there's really nothing to worry about when it comes to academics.

in this land, i'm glad to have two really great friends living less than 2 hrs away from me, so that every weekend i can escape the freezing cold farmland of storrs and run to either providence or middletown to have proper food (ie. not burgers and fries).

in this land, every one is BIG. they eat so much junk and balloon away. healthy eating promoted by the college means choosing skim milk over the 2% fat milk. but maybe if you skip the fries and mayonnaise, the meal might actually be healthier.

in this land, people think everything is awesome and amazing. exaggeration to the max.

in this land, shopping is insane. :) although the lack of malls near college also drives me insane.

and this week, i will make it to the gym!

alice

has there ever been a time in your life when you felt like alice in wonderland?

everything is topsy turvy, nothing makes sense, the rabbit with the clock keeps telling you there's no time, and everyone is insane.

that's how i feel right now. i have just taken a bite of that little cake and shrunk into little alice and opened that little door, and the fat caterpillar smoking a pipe is telling me a story, of how he has been expecting my arrival..

quarter life crisis

its 3.32am, and i can't sleep.

stuff that are running thru my mind take the form of phrases like 'financial markets.. bloomberg software.. p/e ratio..' while my right arm aches from an hour of golf after a week of no-golf.

i'm at the pt where i'm freaking out a bit. indeed, i am stuck. i don't know what to do. i'm not sure if i should enter the financial industry or to just do some other job. its strange, i feel so pressured to make this decision. its as if i only have a day to decide, or maybe its cos i'm forcing myself to decide when i don't really have to. i don't know.

if i sent you a whatsapp message, its cos i really can't sleep and i just wanna talk nonsense.. cos right now i'm not thinking anything constructive. its just nonsense.. and blank blank blank.

can't sleep. super can't sleep. :(

Living & learning

There's always something new to learn. A new discovery every day.

Hurts, happiness, regrets, plans..

And then there are the surprises in life that you never expect was coming your way.

But every choice comes at a consequence, nothing is for free.

God, I want to find you. Lead me.

confused

i've come to a point in time in my life where things are just too confusing. its as if a car just run me by, and my conception of the world just crashed right in front of me. everything is too scary.

i realize how evil and crazy the world out there is; how some people wind up in my life, mess it up and just leave as if its in their right to mess people's lives up, just because someone else messed up theirs.

its a vicious cycle of messing up.

i'm nearing the point of jadedness. i feel very vulnerable now.. insecure and unsure. been blown around by the wind and scorched by the sun. i don't know where to go or what to do about this.

i guess i should have seen it coming, beside i was courting danger all along. so now i will shuddup when it actually bites back.

i should stop whining, just pick myself up, dust myself and move on with my chin up.

@#&^#*!@(! can bite the dust. :)

tu son mia :)

Do you remember, we were sittin' there, by the water?
You put your arm around me for the fist time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

-x-

wake up to reality

honestly, i can't take it anymore. i admit, i need to live away from my parents. AWAY. even if it means no car, no one to do laundry, no extra TLC.. its okay. just get me out of here, pronto. i will do ANYTHING.