morning after a run

some days it just feels so surreal that i've lost my best friend.

the feeling is worse than losing my iphone or hamster or seeing another person take the dress i've been eyeing off the rack. its like half my body got chopped off and i'm desperately trying to find that part back.

but the truth is, i know i can't.

i imagine what it'll be like if we ever pass each other by, or see each other. in that perfect scene where the autumn leaves fall and the wind blows softly on our hair, and our eyes meet. we smile and walk up to each other.

then i give u a tight slap for being a suck best friend, and walk away.

i'm fine if u don't know how to be a lover. i doubt i'm perfect. and i'm not the sort who will never be friends with my ex (totally having dinner with ty next week, and i know its gonna be awesome). its not all your fault. i should have known better. i made too many excuses for you on my part. i blinded myself and pretended it was okay. yes, i asked for it. i just can't believe that the person i grew up with all this while and i literally trusted my life with is such a !*&#^@%@.

maybe u never thought i was your best friend. then what was i, all these years?

i still don't buy your allegations/claims/reasons/conclusions. i don't believe that whatever we've shared for so long was felt only on my side and not on yours. if i know that u're my best friend/person-i-grew-to-like, but u don't think the same.. there is something SERIOUSLY wrong here. ask yourself honestly if that is even possible. i really don't think i've been delusional for 5 years of my life.

i really don't know how your thought processes led you to whatever conclusion you held. but whatever, damage done.

situation: awkward much.